Five. [He says this so simply and matter-of-fact, it wouldn't be all that odd if Fang thought at least for a moment that he was trying to use the highest number he thought he could fool her with.] Seven if you were to count Ozymandias and my childhood nickname.
[He begins listing them off, holding up a finger for each for Fang's benefit so she knows when each name ends and begins. He disagrees with her that his language is overly complicated, but it is still foreign to her.]
Kanakht Merymaa, Mekkemetwafkhasut, Userrenput-aanehktu, Usermaatre Setepenre, and Ramesses. [He lowers his hand. It's likely noticeable that he did not provide his childhood nickname, but he would not allow anyone other than his mother to call him that as an adult thank you very much.] Usermaatre Setepenre and Ramesses were the most important of all my names as my regnal name and birth name.
Ozymandias is the Greek translation for Usermaatre and one of the names I am most often called in the modern era because of a poem written long after my death. My subjects referred to me as Usermaatre Setepenre when I was alive, so it seems the most appropriate thing for most to call me Ozymandias rather than any of my other names.
[To Ozymandias, it seems obvious that he needn't be anything other than the King of Kings to most people he speaks with. So, that is how they might know and relate to him until such a time he allows it to be otherwise. It may never happen with some, of course, but he is not interested in the number of his relationships so much as their quality. To him, it is better to possess the love and loyalty of a noble few than to find himself seeking to connect with every person he comes across.]
["It could be worse," she had essentially teased him with her intentional mangling of his name. "It could be worse," the man countered, rattling off names Fang would genuinely mangle if she tried to spit them back. Five bloody names, and then some.]
[The Turnskin shakes her head slowly, tipping her gaze back up at the sky. Fang looks genuinely flabbergasted.]
Five names. Who needs that many names?
[Her eyes turn back to him as the information gradually filter through. Her brow pinches slightly, her voice filling with confusion.]
Wait. So you're tellin' me that all this time you've been fussing about Ozymandias, Ramesses' been your real name?
[And to Fang, conversely, she didn't see the point of not being the full force of who you were at all times. Every title and additional name felt like superfluous dressings or masks, layers of unneeded layers.]
[There was, maybe, just a tiny cultural gap here. Just a little one.]
[Ozymandias wrinkles his nose before correcting her.]
They are all my real names. [Shaking his head a little, he continues,] Were you to call me by any of my names, I would recognize them. In that regard, they are the same. But Ramesses with none of my titles attached to it is not a name for the world to use because it is not for the world to know me in that way.
Those I wish to know me as more than my legacy are the only ones that I shall ever permit to call me by my birth name. [He takes another drink of his glass before turning his gaze back down the street below, watching the people mill about.] It is not a name I would prefer you ever refer to me as with others except with Chariot or others I might allow to use it, but it is not a name I would take offense to you using in conversation with me.
[Fang tilts her head slightly to the side as she thinks it over. His need to have such a divide between his public and private selves still sounded ridiculous to her ears, but really, was the concept so different from Chariot's?]
[Her smile this time is mellow and warm.]
How sweet of you. I like your company, too. [Fang supplies between the lines. She looks back to the harbor, gently swirling her cup. ]
[As she calls it sweet of him, he looks back at Fang and anticipates she is about to tease him as she appears to always do whenever their conversation turns a bit more serious like this. But he notices her smile and to his relief, he sees there's nothing smug or biting about it like their usually would be if she was about to start getting smart with him. Fang looks away first, Ramesses choosing only to look away after she is done speaking to hide his smile in his cup lest he appears too delighted or pleased with her acceptance of his name.]
[A set of fireworks for the likely last of the ships leaving for the night are set off down by the harbor. More had been set off earlier when the vast majority of the ships were leaving, but it seems there is an attempt to be somewhat considerate as the hour grows a bit later. Or there is just plainly an assumption that no one is looking outside any longer and the rest of the festival has drawn everyone's attention away, so not much effort needs to be placed into it. Either way, Ramesses opts not to compete with the fireworks to be heard. The display lasts nowhere near as long as it had earlier with other ships and the sky grows quiet once more fairly quickly, the gentle breeze pushing the lines of smoke until they dissipate.]
So, how many cunes do you bet that Chariot will still be concerned we will find ourselves at odds with one another?
[He doesn't mean to make of Chariot's concerns completely light because what is important enough for her to worry about should be treated seriously whenever it is brought up. There's also perhaps plenty of evidence to suggest that they should be at odds with one another when setting aside their respective relationships with Chariot. But her tendency to work herself up by spiraling down the worst-case scenario to the exclusion of better or at least more realistic outcome can go some places sometimes and it just seems a bit silly to him to assume that neither he nor Fang would at least force civility between the two of them if they really couldn't get along. He doesn't think anyone incapable of something like that would ever catch Chariot's attention in the first place.]
[Fireworks. How nostalgic, in a bittersweet way. Maybe these fireworks granted wishes, too.]
[Fang scoffs. ]
All of 'em. She's never not worried.
[The possibility would always exist. They were polar opposites in many ways, including some of their values. And they were two individuals of great conviction; if those convictions fell on opposing sides, it would be ugly. ]
Guess we'll have to do our best not to worry her, yeah?
Why do you think I've put up with you for as long as I have?
[It's a non-serious answer that likely couldn't be farther from the truth. Some might criticize him for not knowing her name for so long, and they would probably be right to do as much, but it allowed Ozymandias to form his own opinion of Fang. Not that he wouldn't have done the same with the knowledge of who she is, but having some time without concern of how it would impact Chariot allowed it to be so sooner rather than later.]
[He shakes his head a little.]
Really, she should be more concerned that we will get along too well.
[The look of disbelief that appears on his face appears so briefly, it's almost as though it never happened. It's not something he can sustain knowing Chariot as well as he does. He can absolutely hear the question in her voice, likely stammered out or, at the very least, accompanied by one of her nervous little laughs.]
She persisted in addressing me as "Your Highness" for nearly a month after we became lovers. Had I never said anything before or after, I'm not entirely certain she would have ever stopped.
[When he said earlier that he finds amusement in watching others figure out how they should address him? Chariot was definitely top of the list. She flustered so easily back then with the most minor of provocations.]
[Ramesses hums in light, quiet amusement as he takes another drink from his cup.]
And yet, I think we would both be hard-pressed to find anyone in this place stronger than her. [She certainly wouldn't be able to keep up with the pair of them if she was any less than she is, he thinks.] It is good to see that such gentleness can continue despite everything.
[Fang's smile crooks up a little at the corner, and in the beat of silence, her eyes drop to her draining cup, smiling a somewhat absently at it.]
Yeah, [she answers after a moment, her voice dropping a bit. Gods know Fang's seen plenty of those displays of strength—quite a few she wished she hadn't needed to.] Hell of a lot stronger than she makes herself out to be, that's for sure.
[She's still prone to insecurity and it doesn't take much to get her anxiety going, but he's seen the difference in Chariot since they first met. Her flaws don't seem to negate the good in her quite as much in her own self-assessment.]
It must be difficult at times to tolerate. Being able to sense how unkind she can be toward herself through your Bond, I mean. [It is a challenge to see her treating herself in that manner from an outside perspective. Ramesses can only see the expressions on Chariot's face play out and hear the shift in her tone of voice. He imagines actually being able to feel when her mood takes that dive makes it all the worse to witness.] But I suppose those moments are outweighed when the opposite is true.
[Fang's smile slowly slips away as the idle swinging of her leg stills.]
I'd sure like to think it does, [Fang admits after a quiet moment.] Scares me sometimes, feelin' exactly how deep it goes. The guilt. It's... choking her. Yeah, she's been gettin' better, but... Chariot just won't let it go, and it keeps pullin' her back down.
[Fang lifts a hand to scratch at the back of her head quickly, more of an agitated tic in the moment than an actual itch.]
I know I don't help. It's frustrating, watchin' her do this to herself. And she feels that—I'm not good enough to not get worked up about it. [There's that "inevitability of disappointment" again.] Then she gets upset all over again. I just—don't know how to get her to see that I believe in her as much as she does me. Even with the Bond. Never really been great with words, and my emotions are always on full blast, the good and the bad.
[Fang shrugs, a little too casually.] Whatever, the whole arrangement's worked out this last year. That doesn't happen often, but... it's rough when it does.
[Ramesses watches Fang as she speaks, his gaze only moving away as he lets her words settle in the moments after she finishes speaking.]
[In truth, he has no real frame of reference for what Fang is talking about when it comes to a Bond. Setting aside for a moment that there is really no comparable relationship between him and either of his Bonded and what lies between Fang and Chariot, he is still quite guarded with Sheva and Daenerys. Not for any particular reasons, of course. It seems more to him that circumstances have never deemed it to be necessary and it would be ultimately incongruent with the relationships he holds with each. Sheva is only just coming to know him more and place her trust in him, and Daenerys looks to Ozymandias for counsel and the wisdom of his experience.]
[But even with that limitation in place, he can begin to imagine how much more...difficult that dream with Chariot might have been. If he had been able to feel what she felt any deeper than he had, if she had felt any more similarity in his feelings reflected back... There were still things they needed to talk about when it came to that dream. Both Chariot and Ramesses were aware of that. But they had the luxury of allowing for some time to pass. Not to avoid it, but to let it rest and allow themselves the ability to recover before addressing it again when the time was right. That sort of thing didn't really work quite as well if you were Bonded.]
[And so, to whatever limited extent he can see, he can see the way their feelings likely created a vicious feedback loop, one that was probably difficult to put a stop to once it began.]
[He looks to Fang and although he's taken the time to think about it, there's less trepidation for him in speaking a little more plainly than he otherwise might. If he hasn't managed to stir something up by now that would lead to a fight, he'd probably have to try a lot harder.]
Couldn't she probably say the same thing about you?
[Fang glances over, brow pinching. It's a show of bewilderment and not anger—it's amazing how much less eager Fang is to pick a (not fun kind of) fight when she's rested and 90% less haunted.]
You complain about me using unnecessary words and here you are asking that question...
[He sighs a little.]
You said your all feelings are always "on full blast." [Is it possible for a person to have a tone in which the quotation marks around a phrase are almost tangible? Ramesses finds a way when it comes to more casual forms of speech!] You know Chariot reacts to all of it. But the two of you likely wouldn't be as volatile if Chariot didn't think the same thing of whatever you carry against yourself.
[Fang said that the promises she let slip wouldn't be held against her. But just as it was important for her to prove to herself that she was capable of keeping them, Ramesses doesn't doubt that there's an edge of her own guilt about those failings that she continues to carry around with her. It seems a stretch in his mind that those things don't come up in those more difficult moments between the two of them.]
[He takes another drink from his cup and looks down at some of the newcomers beginning to filter into the lower floor of the bar.]
If I had to guess, you both end up fighting the other for the sake of the other. [Even if it doesn't exactly seem like it on the surface and not with any particular success from the sounds of it by her own admission.] Chariot is the exact sort of person who would want to protect someone else from themselves. Just as you are when it comes to the people you care about.
Your methods are different, of course. [Chariot, he doesn't think could ever take it to the extent or extremes that Fang possibly could. That gentleness in her would prevent her from making choices like that.] But the intentions remain the same.
[The Turnskin frowns. Her leg starts kicking over the edge of the roof again as she shrugs.]
I guess she could.
[It's a casual gesture and a casual answer, born more of how Fang coped and her reluctance to admit even to herself that she's wounded than being guarded. "Don't do this to yourself." She knew Ramesses was right. She just didn't want him to be. Her own demons were usually so much easier to tackle when Fang acted like they had no power over her.]
[Usually.]
[Fang blows out a deep breath, studying the darkly glimmering harbor again.] I'm gettin' better. The process is a right ugly mess, but I am. Chariot's done more than her fair share in helpin' that along.
[Chariot made a home for her. A place to recover that Fang so desperately needed, and a place that Fang hadn't had for so very long. The respite helped, even Fang didn't think she'd be free of those violent flashbacks anytime soon.]
Just wish I could do more of the same. [Fang's frown turns a little more severe.] 'Cause you can't save a person from themselves. They've got to do that. All you can do is help 'em along.
[It's a revelation that Fang hated and made her heart twist. It felt like an acknowledgement of her own powerlessness. That's why Chariot's guilt had scared her so thoroughly—even if not as deep, it was a shadow of what she'd seen in Vanille, a throwback to the most terrifying moment of Fang's life.]
[Ramesses isn't sure how to interpret her initial response until she continues talking and it becomes clear it's more a matter of reluctance than an attempt to defend herself. And it seems to him that she's only really proving his assertion to be true. She is willing to express praise and gratitude for the things that Chariot does for her, but minimizes her own contributions. Like somehow what she does or is willing to do doesn't stack up by the same metric she's given Chariot. And so, as she talks, Ramesses ends up frowning a little.]
You're right. There are things that people must struggle with and overcome through their own power. No one can do it for them. There is perhaps no better example for something like that than what Chariot must contend with.
But Fang? [He tips his head to catch her gaze, waiting until he has it before he continues.] The very fact you wish there was more you could do means that you do just as much for her as she does for you.
[They so rarely spoke each other's names that Ramesses really didn't need to wait for Fang to glance over—and she blinks in surprise, like the three simple words were a foreign, blindsiding concept.]
[The Turnskin looks away, eyes closed and head hung slightly and making a sound like a nervous laugh reduced to one breath.]
[Several people in this world had more or less compared her to a den mother, if in different words. Fang paid little attention to her own well-being, her world narrowed down solely to selfishly protecting what she regarded as hers, if in a selfless manner. Nothing short of total happiness for her loved ones would feel like enough.]
[It didn't feel like enough. Maybe it never would.]
[Fang eventually reclines back on on her forearm, looking to Ramesses with a crooked smile.]
You know your little silver-tongued routine doesn't work on me, mm?
[She isn't dismissing his words, nor shying away from the gravity of their conversation, but certainly wasn't going to pass up ribbing him completely for it.]
[He crinkles his nose at the ribbing, but really he would have been more annoyed if there hadn't been any indication that she let his words sink in at all.]
I approach every conversation with you with the understanding that you willfully do the opposite of what I say each and every time. [Ramesses huffs and looks back out at the city.] But I will make an exception over just this because whether you choose to believe me or not, it doesn't make me any less correct.
So, if I have to treat you like Chariot and remind you every time until you can start to believe it at least a little for yourself, I will.
[Which is to say, Fang might as well consider this a formal declaration of war against her terrible self-worth and habit of selling herself short. He views it as important enough for him to put that kind of effort and patience into it. ]
[Fang snorts, the amused sound quickly evolving into a chuckle.]
Oh, like hell you will. I'm not signin' up for lifetime coachin'.
[She sets her cup down to reach for her belt. It takes a moment, and Fang had to crane her head to find what she's looking for. Funny thing about coordination being a little impaired a few glasses in.]
[Fang waggles the resulting little tin vial at Ramesses, holding it out like a mock threat.]
I'm expediting this. Just get it right up and over with and make me believe it now. Worked with Kaede.
[He leans back a little as she brandishes the vial at him, raising an eyebrow at it before looking beyond the vial and at her. Ramesses studies her for a moment and comes to the conclusion that she doesn't really seem to be taking him very seriously. Not in the sense that Fang likely thinks his intention or even what he says he's going to do is insincere, but in the notion that he won't be able to accomplish it. Why else would she hold out that little potion if she didn't have some sort of confidence that at some point he would simply give up?]
[Ramesses turns to set his cup down before shifting the way he's seated to face her a little better. Reaching out for the vial, he doesn't take it, but instead pushes it back to her with a shake of his head.]
A temporary bond is hardly anything. [It's a stopgap measure for those threatening to lose control, nothing more. It has no lasting impact at the end of the day, only prolongs the inevitable one way or another. It's not something he's willing to accept when it directly undermines his intent.] I'll Bond with you, but I'll only do it permanently. Until you believe it, or until you decide you truly do not wish to be Bonded any longer.
[Because even if the magic itself didn't wane on its own over time when Bondmates drifted apart from one another, he wouldn't care to hold her to something like that against her wishes.]
[And now it's Fang's turn to lean back a fraction, cocking her head to the side as she consider's Ramesses' words. Mentally double-takes on them, even. The distance between a temporary Bond and a true one wasn't insignificant. They required serious work to ensure they stayed healthy, and were potentially dangerous if they weren't.]
[Not to mention how invasive they could be. The air's been open between them tonight, but for two proud and guarded people, there would still be something of an adjustment period.]
[But he had Bonded. He knew that already. And it couldn't simply be an offer—the one simple rule of the ritual was that both parties had to want to be there for any reason, no matter what it was. To make an offer like that, Ramesses wanted to.]
Really, now? You'd invite an irreverent alligator brains inside your head?
[Just a simple confirmation. They've both been drinking, even if they're both far from gone, but the drinks served during Aefenglom's festivals tended to be... special in some way or another. Fang wanted to be sure this was a thought-out suggestion.]
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[Her leg starts idly swinging again.]
What, another name? How many of these things do you have?
[Or maybe it was just the people Fang was drawn to. Chariot and Light were like this, too.]
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[He begins listing them off, holding up a finger for each for Fang's benefit so she knows when each name ends and begins. He disagrees with her that his language is overly complicated, but it is still foreign to her.]
Kanakht Merymaa, Mekkemetwafkhasut, Userrenput-aanehktu, Usermaatre Setepenre, and Ramesses. [He lowers his hand. It's likely noticeable that he did not provide his childhood nickname, but he would not allow anyone other than his mother to call him that as an adult thank you very much.] Usermaatre Setepenre and Ramesses were the most important of all my names as my regnal name and birth name.
Ozymandias is the Greek translation for Usermaatre and one of the names I am most often called in the modern era because of a poem written long after my death. My subjects referred to me as Usermaatre Setepenre when I was alive, so it seems the most appropriate thing for most to call me Ozymandias rather than any of my other names.
[To Ozymandias, it seems obvious that he needn't be anything other than the King of Kings to most people he speaks with. So, that is how they might know and relate to him until such a time he allows it to be otherwise. It may never happen with some, of course, but he is not interested in the number of his relationships so much as their quality. To him, it is better to possess the love and loyalty of a noble few than to find himself seeking to connect with every person he comes across.]
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["It could be worse," she had essentially teased him with her intentional mangling of his name. "It could be worse," the man countered, rattling off names Fang would genuinely mangle if she tried to spit them back. Five bloody names, and then some.]
[The Turnskin shakes her head slowly, tipping her gaze back up at the sky. Fang looks genuinely flabbergasted.]
Five names. Who needs that many names?
[Her eyes turn back to him as the information gradually filter through. Her brow pinches slightly, her voice filling with confusion.]
Wait. So you're tellin' me that all this time you've been fussing about Ozymandias, Ramesses' been your real name?
[And to Fang, conversely, she didn't see the point of not being the full force of who you were at all times. Every title and additional name felt like superfluous dressings or masks, layers of unneeded layers.]
[There was, maybe, just a tiny cultural gap here. Just a little one.]
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They are all my real names. [Shaking his head a little, he continues,] Were you to call me by any of my names, I would recognize them. In that regard, they are the same. But Ramesses with none of my titles attached to it is not a name for the world to use because it is not for the world to know me in that way.
Those I wish to know me as more than my legacy are the only ones that I shall ever permit to call me by my birth name. [He takes another drink of his glass before turning his gaze back down the street below, watching the people mill about.] It is not a name I would prefer you ever refer to me as with others except with Chariot or others I might allow to use it, but it is not a name I would take offense to you using in conversation with me.
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[Her smile this time is mellow and warm.]
How sweet of you. I like your company, too. [Fang supplies between the lines. She looks back to the harbor, gently swirling her cup. ]
Ramesses it is.
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[A set of fireworks for the likely last of the ships leaving for the night are set off down by the harbor. More had been set off earlier when the vast majority of the ships were leaving, but it seems there is an attempt to be somewhat considerate as the hour grows a bit later. Or there is just plainly an assumption that no one is looking outside any longer and the rest of the festival has drawn everyone's attention away, so not much effort needs to be placed into it. Either way, Ramesses opts not to compete with the fireworks to be heard. The display lasts nowhere near as long as it had earlier with other ships and the sky grows quiet once more fairly quickly, the gentle breeze pushing the lines of smoke until they dissipate.]
So, how many cunes do you bet that Chariot will still be concerned we will find ourselves at odds with one another?
[He doesn't mean to make of Chariot's concerns completely light because what is important enough for her to worry about should be treated seriously whenever it is brought up. There's also perhaps plenty of evidence to suggest that they should be at odds with one another when setting aside their respective relationships with Chariot. But her tendency to work herself up by spiraling down the worst-case scenario to the exclusion of better or at least more realistic outcome can go some places sometimes and it just seems a bit silly to him to assume that neither he nor Fang would at least force civility between the two of them if they really couldn't get along. He doesn't think anyone incapable of something like that would ever catch Chariot's attention in the first place.]
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[Fang scoffs. ]
All of 'em. She's never not worried.
[The possibility would always exist. They were polar opposites in many ways, including some of their values. And they were two individuals of great conviction; if those convictions fell on opposing sides, it would be ugly. ]
Guess we'll have to do our best not to worry her, yeah?
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[It's a non-serious answer that likely couldn't be farther from the truth. Some might criticize him for not knowing her name for so long, and they would probably be right to do as much, but it allowed Ozymandias to form his own opinion of Fang. Not that he wouldn't have done the same with the knowledge of who she is, but having some time without concern of how it would impact Chariot allowed it to be so sooner rather than later.]
[He shakes his head a little.]
Really, she should be more concerned that we will get along too well.
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Ain't that the truth. Things're much more dangerous that way.
[She turns a grin to him, with no small amount of mischievous in it. ]
She once asked me how awkward something she'd just said once, one a scale of one to ten. A while back, not long after we Bonded.
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She persisted in addressing me as "Your Highness" for nearly a month after we became lovers. Had I never said anything before or after, I'm not entirely certain she would have ever stopped.
[When he said earlier that he finds amusement in watching others figure out how they should address him? Chariot was definitely top of the list. She flustered so easily back then with the most minor of provocations.]
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Sounds like her. I accused her of teasing me one time, and she just about had a meltdown.
[Fang laughs a little softer this time, glancing towards the harbor again. ]
That woman's too gentle for her own good.
[Fang doesn't say it unfondly.]
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And yet, I think we would both be hard-pressed to find anyone in this place stronger than her. [She certainly wouldn't be able to keep up with the pair of them if she was any less than she is, he thinks.] It is good to see that such gentleness can continue despite everything.
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Yeah, [she answers after a moment, her voice dropping a bit. Gods know Fang's seen plenty of those displays of strength—quite a few she wished she hadn't needed to.] Hell of a lot stronger than she makes herself out to be, that's for sure.
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[She's still prone to insecurity and it doesn't take much to get her anxiety going, but he's seen the difference in Chariot since they first met. Her flaws don't seem to negate the good in her quite as much in her own self-assessment.]
It must be difficult at times to tolerate. Being able to sense how unkind she can be toward herself through your Bond, I mean. [It is a challenge to see her treating herself in that manner from an outside perspective. Ramesses can only see the expressions on Chariot's face play out and hear the shift in her tone of voice. He imagines actually being able to feel when her mood takes that dive makes it all the worse to witness.] But I suppose those moments are outweighed when the opposite is true.
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I'd sure like to think it does, [Fang admits after a quiet moment.] Scares me sometimes, feelin' exactly how deep it goes. The guilt. It's... choking her. Yeah, she's been gettin' better, but... Chariot just won't let it go, and it keeps pullin' her back down.
[Fang lifts a hand to scratch at the back of her head quickly, more of an agitated tic in the moment than an actual itch.]
I know I don't help. It's frustrating, watchin' her do this to herself. And she feels that—I'm not good enough to not get worked up about it. [There's that "inevitability of disappointment" again.] Then she gets upset all over again. I just—don't know how to get her to see that I believe in her as much as she does me. Even with the Bond. Never really been great with words, and my emotions are always on full blast, the good and the bad.
[Fang shrugs, a little too casually.] Whatever, the whole arrangement's worked out this last year. That doesn't happen often, but... it's rough when it does.
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[In truth, he has no real frame of reference for what Fang is talking about when it comes to a Bond. Setting aside for a moment that there is really no comparable relationship between him and either of his Bonded and what lies between Fang and Chariot, he is still quite guarded with Sheva and Daenerys. Not for any particular reasons, of course. It seems more to him that circumstances have never deemed it to be necessary and it would be ultimately incongruent with the relationships he holds with each. Sheva is only just coming to know him more and place her trust in him, and Daenerys looks to Ozymandias for counsel and the wisdom of his experience.]
[But even with that limitation in place, he can begin to imagine how much more...difficult that dream with Chariot might have been. If he had been able to feel what she felt any deeper than he had, if she had felt any more similarity in his feelings reflected back... There were still things they needed to talk about when it came to that dream. Both Chariot and Ramesses were aware of that. But they had the luxury of allowing for some time to pass. Not to avoid it, but to let it rest and allow themselves the ability to recover before addressing it again when the time was right. That sort of thing didn't really work quite as well if you were Bonded.]
[And so, to whatever limited extent he can see, he can see the way their feelings likely created a vicious feedback loop, one that was probably difficult to put a stop to once it began.]
[He looks to Fang and although he's taken the time to think about it, there's less trepidation for him in speaking a little more plainly than he otherwise might. If he hasn't managed to stir something up by now that would lead to a fight, he'd probably have to try a lot harder.]
Couldn't she probably say the same thing about you?
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What's that supposed to mean?
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[He sighs a little.]
You said your all feelings are always "on full blast." [Is it possible for a person to have a tone in which the quotation marks around a phrase are almost tangible? Ramesses finds a way when it comes to more casual forms of speech!] You know Chariot reacts to all of it. But the two of you likely wouldn't be as volatile if Chariot didn't think the same thing of whatever you carry against yourself.
[Fang said that the promises she let slip wouldn't be held against her. But just as it was important for her to prove to herself that she was capable of keeping them, Ramesses doesn't doubt that there's an edge of her own guilt about those failings that she continues to carry around with her. It seems a stretch in his mind that those things don't come up in those more difficult moments between the two of them.]
[He takes another drink from his cup and looks down at some of the newcomers beginning to filter into the lower floor of the bar.]
If I had to guess, you both end up fighting the other for the sake of the other. [Even if it doesn't exactly seem like it on the surface and not with any particular success from the sounds of it by her own admission.] Chariot is the exact sort of person who would want to protect someone else from themselves. Just as you are when it comes to the people you care about.
Your methods are different, of course. [Chariot, he doesn't think could ever take it to the extent or extremes that Fang possibly could. That gentleness in her would prevent her from making choices like that.] But the intentions remain the same.
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I guess she could.
[It's a casual gesture and a casual answer, born more of how Fang coped and her reluctance to admit even to herself that she's wounded than being guarded. "Don't do this to yourself." She knew Ramesses was right. She just didn't want him to be. Her own demons were usually so much easier to tackle when Fang acted like they had no power over her.]
[Usually.]
[Fang blows out a deep breath, studying the darkly glimmering harbor again.] I'm gettin' better. The process is a right ugly mess, but I am. Chariot's done more than her fair share in helpin' that along.
[Chariot made a home for her. A place to recover that Fang so desperately needed, and a place that Fang hadn't had for so very long. The respite helped, even Fang didn't think she'd be free of those violent flashbacks anytime soon.]
Just wish I could do more of the same. [Fang's frown turns a little more severe.] 'Cause you can't save a person from themselves. They've got to do that. All you can do is help 'em along.
[It's a revelation that Fang hated and made her heart twist. It felt like an acknowledgement of her own powerlessness. That's why Chariot's guilt had scared her so thoroughly—even if not as deep, it was a shadow of what she'd seen in Vanille, a throwback to the most terrifying moment of Fang's life.]
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You're right. There are things that people must struggle with and overcome through their own power. No one can do it for them. There is perhaps no better example for something like that than what Chariot must contend with.
But Fang? [He tips his head to catch her gaze, waiting until he has it before he continues.] The very fact you wish there was more you could do means that you do just as much for her as she does for you.
You do enough.
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[The Turnskin looks away, eyes closed and head hung slightly and making a sound like a nervous laugh reduced to one breath.]
[Several people in this world had more or less compared her to a den mother, if in different words. Fang paid little attention to her own well-being, her world narrowed down solely to selfishly protecting what she regarded as hers, if in a selfless manner. Nothing short of total happiness for her loved ones would feel like enough.]
[It didn't feel like enough. Maybe it never would.]
[Fang eventually reclines back on on her forearm, looking to Ramesses with a crooked smile.]
You know your little silver-tongued routine doesn't work on me, mm?
[She isn't dismissing his words, nor shying away from the gravity of their conversation, but certainly wasn't going to pass up ribbing him completely for it.]
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I approach every conversation with you with the understanding that you willfully do the opposite of what I say each and every time. [Ramesses huffs and looks back out at the city.] But I will make an exception over just this because whether you choose to believe me or not, it doesn't make me any less correct.
So, if I have to treat you like Chariot and remind you every time until you can start to believe it at least a little for yourself, I will.
[Which is to say, Fang might as well consider this a formal declaration of war against her terrible self-worth and habit of selling herself short. He views it as important enough for him to put that kind of effort and patience into it. ]
[She is important enough.]
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Oh, like hell you will. I'm not signin' up for lifetime coachin'.
[She sets her cup down to reach for her belt. It takes a moment, and Fang had to crane her head to find what she's looking for. Funny thing about coordination being a little impaired a few glasses in.]
[Fang waggles the resulting little tin vial at Ramesses, holding it out like a mock threat.]
I'm expediting this. Just get it right up and over with and make me believe it now. Worked with Kaede.
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[Ramesses turns to set his cup down before shifting the way he's seated to face her a little better. Reaching out for the vial, he doesn't take it, but instead pushes it back to her with a shake of his head.]
A temporary bond is hardly anything. [It's a stopgap measure for those threatening to lose control, nothing more. It has no lasting impact at the end of the day, only prolongs the inevitable one way or another. It's not something he's willing to accept when it directly undermines his intent.] I'll Bond with you, but I'll only do it permanently. Until you believe it, or until you decide you truly do not wish to be Bonded any longer.
[Because even if the magic itself didn't wane on its own over time when Bondmates drifted apart from one another, he wouldn't care to hold her to something like that against her wishes.]
Whichever comes first.
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[Not to mention how invasive they could be. The air's been open between them tonight, but for two proud and guarded people, there would still be something of an adjustment period.]
[But he had Bonded. He knew that already. And it couldn't simply be an offer—the one simple rule of the ritual was that both parties had to want to be there for any reason, no matter what it was. To make an offer like that, Ramesses wanted to.]
Really, now? You'd invite an irreverent alligator brains inside your head?
[Just a simple confirmation. They've both been drinking, even if they're both far from gone, but the drinks served during Aefenglom's festivals tended to be... special in some way or another. Fang wanted to be sure this was a thought-out suggestion.]
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