[Fang's smile slowly slips away as the idle swinging of her leg stills.]
I'd sure like to think it does, [Fang admits after a quiet moment.] Scares me sometimes, feelin' exactly how deep it goes. The guilt. It's... choking her. Yeah, she's been gettin' better, but... Chariot just won't let it go, and it keeps pullin' her back down.
[Fang lifts a hand to scratch at the back of her head quickly, more of an agitated tic in the moment than an actual itch.]
I know I don't help. It's frustrating, watchin' her do this to herself. And she feels that—I'm not good enough to not get worked up about it. [There's that "inevitability of disappointment" again.] Then she gets upset all over again. I just—don't know how to get her to see that I believe in her as much as she does me. Even with the Bond. Never really been great with words, and my emotions are always on full blast, the good and the bad.
[Fang shrugs, a little too casually.] Whatever, the whole arrangement's worked out this last year. That doesn't happen often, but... it's rough when it does.
[Ramesses watches Fang as she speaks, his gaze only moving away as he lets her words settle in the moments after she finishes speaking.]
[In truth, he has no real frame of reference for what Fang is talking about when it comes to a Bond. Setting aside for a moment that there is really no comparable relationship between him and either of his Bonded and what lies between Fang and Chariot, he is still quite guarded with Sheva and Daenerys. Not for any particular reasons, of course. It seems more to him that circumstances have never deemed it to be necessary and it would be ultimately incongruent with the relationships he holds with each. Sheva is only just coming to know him more and place her trust in him, and Daenerys looks to Ozymandias for counsel and the wisdom of his experience.]
[But even with that limitation in place, he can begin to imagine how much more...difficult that dream with Chariot might have been. If he had been able to feel what she felt any deeper than he had, if she had felt any more similarity in his feelings reflected back... There were still things they needed to talk about when it came to that dream. Both Chariot and Ramesses were aware of that. But they had the luxury of allowing for some time to pass. Not to avoid it, but to let it rest and allow themselves the ability to recover before addressing it again when the time was right. That sort of thing didn't really work quite as well if you were Bonded.]
[And so, to whatever limited extent he can see, he can see the way their feelings likely created a vicious feedback loop, one that was probably difficult to put a stop to once it began.]
[He looks to Fang and although he's taken the time to think about it, there's less trepidation for him in speaking a little more plainly than he otherwise might. If he hasn't managed to stir something up by now that would lead to a fight, he'd probably have to try a lot harder.]
Couldn't she probably say the same thing about you?
[Fang glances over, brow pinching. It's a show of bewilderment and not anger—it's amazing how much less eager Fang is to pick a (not fun kind of) fight when she's rested and 90% less haunted.]
You complain about me using unnecessary words and here you are asking that question...
[He sighs a little.]
You said your all feelings are always "on full blast." [Is it possible for a person to have a tone in which the quotation marks around a phrase are almost tangible? Ramesses finds a way when it comes to more casual forms of speech!] You know Chariot reacts to all of it. But the two of you likely wouldn't be as volatile if Chariot didn't think the same thing of whatever you carry against yourself.
[Fang said that the promises she let slip wouldn't be held against her. But just as it was important for her to prove to herself that she was capable of keeping them, Ramesses doesn't doubt that there's an edge of her own guilt about those failings that she continues to carry around with her. It seems a stretch in his mind that those things don't come up in those more difficult moments between the two of them.]
[He takes another drink from his cup and looks down at some of the newcomers beginning to filter into the lower floor of the bar.]
If I had to guess, you both end up fighting the other for the sake of the other. [Even if it doesn't exactly seem like it on the surface and not with any particular success from the sounds of it by her own admission.] Chariot is the exact sort of person who would want to protect someone else from themselves. Just as you are when it comes to the people you care about.
Your methods are different, of course. [Chariot, he doesn't think could ever take it to the extent or extremes that Fang possibly could. That gentleness in her would prevent her from making choices like that.] But the intentions remain the same.
[The Turnskin frowns. Her leg starts kicking over the edge of the roof again as she shrugs.]
I guess she could.
[It's a casual gesture and a casual answer, born more of how Fang coped and her reluctance to admit even to herself that she's wounded than being guarded. "Don't do this to yourself." She knew Ramesses was right. She just didn't want him to be. Her own demons were usually so much easier to tackle when Fang acted like they had no power over her.]
[Usually.]
[Fang blows out a deep breath, studying the darkly glimmering harbor again.] I'm gettin' better. The process is a right ugly mess, but I am. Chariot's done more than her fair share in helpin' that along.
[Chariot made a home for her. A place to recover that Fang so desperately needed, and a place that Fang hadn't had for so very long. The respite helped, even Fang didn't think she'd be free of those violent flashbacks anytime soon.]
Just wish I could do more of the same. [Fang's frown turns a little more severe.] 'Cause you can't save a person from themselves. They've got to do that. All you can do is help 'em along.
[It's a revelation that Fang hated and made her heart twist. It felt like an acknowledgement of her own powerlessness. That's why Chariot's guilt had scared her so thoroughly—even if not as deep, it was a shadow of what she'd seen in Vanille, a throwback to the most terrifying moment of Fang's life.]
[Ramesses isn't sure how to interpret her initial response until she continues talking and it becomes clear it's more a matter of reluctance than an attempt to defend herself. And it seems to him that she's only really proving his assertion to be true. She is willing to express praise and gratitude for the things that Chariot does for her, but minimizes her own contributions. Like somehow what she does or is willing to do doesn't stack up by the same metric she's given Chariot. And so, as she talks, Ramesses ends up frowning a little.]
You're right. There are things that people must struggle with and overcome through their own power. No one can do it for them. There is perhaps no better example for something like that than what Chariot must contend with.
But Fang? [He tips his head to catch her gaze, waiting until he has it before he continues.] The very fact you wish there was more you could do means that you do just as much for her as she does for you.
[They so rarely spoke each other's names that Ramesses really didn't need to wait for Fang to glance over—and she blinks in surprise, like the three simple words were a foreign, blindsiding concept.]
[The Turnskin looks away, eyes closed and head hung slightly and making a sound like a nervous laugh reduced to one breath.]
[Several people in this world had more or less compared her to a den mother, if in different words. Fang paid little attention to her own well-being, her world narrowed down solely to selfishly protecting what she regarded as hers, if in a selfless manner. Nothing short of total happiness for her loved ones would feel like enough.]
[It didn't feel like enough. Maybe it never would.]
[Fang eventually reclines back on on her forearm, looking to Ramesses with a crooked smile.]
You know your little silver-tongued routine doesn't work on me, mm?
[She isn't dismissing his words, nor shying away from the gravity of their conversation, but certainly wasn't going to pass up ribbing him completely for it.]
[He crinkles his nose at the ribbing, but really he would have been more annoyed if there hadn't been any indication that she let his words sink in at all.]
I approach every conversation with you with the understanding that you willfully do the opposite of what I say each and every time. [Ramesses huffs and looks back out at the city.] But I will make an exception over just this because whether you choose to believe me or not, it doesn't make me any less correct.
So, if I have to treat you like Chariot and remind you every time until you can start to believe it at least a little for yourself, I will.
[Which is to say, Fang might as well consider this a formal declaration of war against her terrible self-worth and habit of selling herself short. He views it as important enough for him to put that kind of effort and patience into it. ]
[Fang snorts, the amused sound quickly evolving into a chuckle.]
Oh, like hell you will. I'm not signin' up for lifetime coachin'.
[She sets her cup down to reach for her belt. It takes a moment, and Fang had to crane her head to find what she's looking for. Funny thing about coordination being a little impaired a few glasses in.]
[Fang waggles the resulting little tin vial at Ramesses, holding it out like a mock threat.]
I'm expediting this. Just get it right up and over with and make me believe it now. Worked with Kaede.
[He leans back a little as she brandishes the vial at him, raising an eyebrow at it before looking beyond the vial and at her. Ramesses studies her for a moment and comes to the conclusion that she doesn't really seem to be taking him very seriously. Not in the sense that Fang likely thinks his intention or even what he says he's going to do is insincere, but in the notion that he won't be able to accomplish it. Why else would she hold out that little potion if she didn't have some sort of confidence that at some point he would simply give up?]
[Ramesses turns to set his cup down before shifting the way he's seated to face her a little better. Reaching out for the vial, he doesn't take it, but instead pushes it back to her with a shake of his head.]
A temporary bond is hardly anything. [It's a stopgap measure for those threatening to lose control, nothing more. It has no lasting impact at the end of the day, only prolongs the inevitable one way or another. It's not something he's willing to accept when it directly undermines his intent.] I'll Bond with you, but I'll only do it permanently. Until you believe it, or until you decide you truly do not wish to be Bonded any longer.
[Because even if the magic itself didn't wane on its own over time when Bondmates drifted apart from one another, he wouldn't care to hold her to something like that against her wishes.]
[And now it's Fang's turn to lean back a fraction, cocking her head to the side as she consider's Ramesses' words. Mentally double-takes on them, even. The distance between a temporary Bond and a true one wasn't insignificant. They required serious work to ensure they stayed healthy, and were potentially dangerous if they weren't.]
[Not to mention how invasive they could be. The air's been open between them tonight, but for two proud and guarded people, there would still be something of an adjustment period.]
[But he had Bonded. He knew that already. And it couldn't simply be an offer—the one simple rule of the ritual was that both parties had to want to be there for any reason, no matter what it was. To make an offer like that, Ramesses wanted to.]
Really, now? You'd invite an irreverent alligator brains inside your head?
[Just a simple confirmation. They've both been drinking, even if they're both far from gone, but the drinks served during Aefenglom's festivals tended to be... special in some way or another. Fang wanted to be sure this was a thought-out suggestion.]
[There are many things that Ramesses could say. Gods know that he could probably come up with nearly all of it right now on the spot. But he doesn't opt for a long speech detailing and justifying his thought process behind such a suggestion and his refutation of the temporary Bond.]
No. [Because she really isn't the sort of person he would ever truly consider if one were taking a superficial look at it. When looking at it that way, there's far too many points where they should clash. Perhaps even violently so. But there is something more. Even if it is sometimes a challenge, it still exists.] But I would invite an irreverent alligator brains that I trust.
[His brevity is a little surreal. Fang almost asks if he was feeling alright.]
[It's the simplicity that allows Fang to consider it quickly. A Bond was ultimately communication; where as Fang was simply Fang, Ramesses, with his multiple personas that he insisted were all wholly part of him (something still strange to her), increasingly decided to strip down the pretenses around her. She probably couldn't have accepted the offer from the Pharaoh. From Ramesses, the person that existed before and underneath all the other layers of titles and roles, she could.]
Alright, fine. A real one. [Her smile crooks up.] Just remember, you brought this on yourself.
[She sets the vial down to exchange it with her nearly empty cup.]
[Ramesses reflects back a smile that for a second time that night seems quite plainly pleased with her response, but seems to make a little less effort to hide it this time. He turns, picking up his cup. He brings it to hers with a soft clink before he empties what little remained in his own cup.]
[For Ramesses, it just cannot count as a festival without a decent amount of alcohol consumption. He would be a disgrace to his people to end it there.]
[And so, he opts for the extra round or two before they both decide to call it a night and head their respective ways home. As he continues to drink, his talking increases, but he somehow manages not to end up bragging endlessly about himself and his accomplishments. He's simply talkative. When he accidentally creates an opening for Fang, he never approves of her taking advantage of it, but he also doesn't seem particularly put out by it either.]
[Before they part ways though, the conversation does turn back to the matter of Bonding with one another. Just as easily as it had ultimately been to agree to the arrangement itself, they both agree when to have the ritual. Both agree that allowing some time to pass would be beneficial for any necessary conversations with each other (when sober) or Chariot.]
[As it turns out, neither appears to get cold feet or second guess the decision in the end. Which really just solidifies it as the correct choice for Ramesses because he does give it thought in the following days of the potential consequences of this decision. Bonding with Fang wasn't without its risks. Just as they might occasionally find common ground with one another, there was also the capacity for something more volatile and neither of them could particularly ignore that. But ultimately, he trusts Fang just as he says he does and he believes that before the worst of the possible outcomes could come to pass, they would do what was necessary to avert any potential crisis. They would owe that much to each other.]
[And so, the day eventually comes.]
[It is his fourth time doing this, but the amount of magical energy summoned into the circle never fails to catch his notice and fascination. There's something equal parts thrilling and dangerous about this much magic being present in such a small space and with such little effort on the part of the Coven Witches.]
[He looks back at Fang as he steps into the circle, offering his hand to her.]
[The decision was one of the more dangerous that they could have made, with the consequences of a Bond snapping being as severe as they were. They did not understand one another, not truly, and even with their heart-to-heart there were still guarded aspects between them. Bonding put the pair at a crossroads; either they would come to clash violently over something, or with the combined incentive to keep the Bond healthy and its insightful properties into another heart, they would eventually reach that mutual understanding.]
[Even if that understanding might never set their goals and personalities in alignment, it was still something worth seeking.]
[Even after all their time to reflect on their choice, Fang was still mildly entertained with it all. She'd never imagined reaching this point, never imagined Bonding with this particular man. Her suggestion to use the potion had simply been a tool for brief insight on the depth to which he'd believed what he was talking about; after nearly a year Bonded to Chariot, Fang was well adept at lending and borrowing each other's emotions when their own weren't suitable for the situation. A true Bond... Ramesses didn't strike her as the sort of person that wanted to be attached to someone that moved through life like a wrecking ball with places to be yesterday.]
[Fang only quirks her usual smirk back.]
Was gonna say the same thing. I can get pretty loud in the Bond, you know. [Or "full blast," as Fang had put it on the roof. She didn't always wear her heart on her sleeve, but she certainly had no filter. What she did feel was always felt wholly, with everything she was.]
[She accepts his hand nonetheless; the magic pooling under their feet makes her skin prickle.]
[Although it's true that Fang differs from his other Bonded in that there was a little more care and patience put into the ways in which they presented themselves, neither Sheva no Daenerys could ever be described as docile or passive. Under the right circumstances, their presence in their Bond with him is just as intense as what he imagines Fang to likely be.]
So long as the three of you do not conspire to turn it into a competition, I shall persevere.
[Although gods help him if they should ever be in direct opposition to one another. There may be no surviving something like that with as hot as tempers could run.]
[The Coven Witch leading the ceremony directs them to their places albeit unnecessarily. It may have been some time for Fang since last she did this, but for Ramesses, it has only been a handful of months. With Fang's hand in his, he is already beginning to lead them further into the circle to those spots. The look he gives Fang isn't overly scrutinizing, but he does give her a moment of consideration. The magic of this circle always seems to sit differently for Monsters, he's noticed, and Ramesses can't help but think it is probably especially unnerving after her experiences. He certainly observed it in Daenerys, who had to take a moment to steel herself before stepping into the circle, and so it doesn't seem completely out of the realm of possibility that walking into space with this much magic, allowing the ritual itself, might prove a little more challenging than it otherwise might normally be. While Ramesses doesn't seek to treat her delicately -- assuming that such treatment would likely irritate her -- he'd rather her be as confident as possible during this.]
No promises, [she teases back. Thinking on it, Fang didn't know anything about his Bonded aside from knowing that they exited. What had he called that one, so long ago on the boat? Saber?]
[Fang show no hesitation entering the circle; despite her numerous and varied traumatic experience, there were only three things that gave her pause. Even then, two of those, while extremely unpleasant, she could cope with. So long as she approached the circle of her own volition and unbound, it held no nightmares for her.]
[No, the circle felt like solid static given form, a silent sound in the air brushing against her nerves. Fang found it hard to explain to Witches; it was something they created and controlled to them. She perceived it like some kind of energy, like sunlight or static, but filtered incorrectly through senses not originally designed to detect it. Clean magic she was almost drawn to, like cool fresh water; too long in ambient or lingering magic clogged her mind like silt until there was only room enough left for the Monster.]
[Fang takes her place, glancing as the officiating Witch does the same. Her gaze sweeps back to Ramesses.]
So, you gonna start, or am I?
[She offers her other hand, like a circuit waiting to be complete.]
[With no signs of hesitation or slowing down -- which really, he probably should have anticipated -- Ramesses takes her other hand in his when it is offered to him.]
Go on.
[In the intervening days, he's put plenty of thought into what he will say. One might think he would choose not to given that he's completed this ritual on three separate occasions and the broad strokes of his intentions behind those Bonds reflect similarly to one another. He never intends to be an obstruction to his Bonded, only a support that allows them to reach their full potential. And so, it would be simple to reuse and speak again of those same intentions each time. But the Bonds themselves are as different as the individuals he's chosen to Bond with, and Ramesses could never allow himself to create such a thoughtless, weak foundation. His vows to each remain just that. Not through pretty preambles or lengthy promises, but clear, specific intentions of how his loyalty shall be reflected, how they shall walk alongside one another, and to what lengths he is willing to go on their behalf.]
[But he is immensely curious about Fang's vow. He knows she takes her promises seriously, but Ramesses knows he's not the sort of person she would likely prefer to make her promises to. She's made it clear that he can often reflect and represent a more dangerous element, something that could twist and contort such things. So, he cannot imagine she's going to be as off the cuff as she usually is with this. Still, he's curious.]
[Amusement flickers over her face at his simple urging. This guy, passing up the opportunity to talk?]
[But Fang doesn't dwell on it. The teasing drops from her smile.]
Look, you know I'm not great with words, and I'm not the sort to go off on some fancy pledge.
[The standard Bonding vow still feels easy to mindlessly make, but after... everything, Fang hesitates to offer to protect him, considering that vow lays in shambles both around her family and Chariot.]
There's probably not much I can promise you that you can't already provide for yourself. So, as your Bonded, Oerba Yun Fang vows to yank you back from that precipice of yours, if you find your way back to it—as someone who does a lot of lookin' over the edge of "Same Mistake City" myself.
[She tilts her head slightly, and something about her expression softens subtly.]
And I know you love your hundred identities and roles and they're always part of you or whatever, but if you ever just wanna be that human guy under all that for a bit and nothin' else, you can do that around me. Promise I won't tell.
[When she finishes, the magic of the circle responds to her intent, flowing up through her body and pooling in her hands, waiting for the other half to snap into place.]
[Fang's right in that she's not exactly one for eloquence nor does she ever hold a poetic quality, but Ramesses isn't so certain he'd go so far as to say she's poor with words. Her vow to him is spoken simply, but there is nothing about what she is promising that is particularly simple. Were it perhaps anyone else, he'd think she lacked a full understanding of what it is she was proposing that she would do. But she understands the cruelties that someone of his position can enact when blinded by ambition, even if her experiences have been with less than well-intended ambitions.]
[And he believes her words. All of them. Even without the magic of the circle confirming them to be genuine.]
I find myself in a similar position as you. You are more than capable and have no need for my protection or support with most matters. So, my promise to you as your Bonded is this: I will not idly stand by any time you feel the need to inflict punishment on yourself for your past decisions. Until you are able to find peace, I shall remain by your side whether it is to be as comfort or a thorn.
[When they first met, it had been a stray thought, a sincere but small hope. Something that Fang had dismissed and he allowed to be set aside. Here and now, however, it was something far more than that. Something he refused to let her reject as a possibility for herself because even if she's not able to believe it now, he intends to carry that belief until she can for herself. It as almost as though he can already see that future with his own eyes, as though it is within his power to manipulate the very magic of this room to make it so.]
This is a promise I make to you not as Pharaoh, as you have no need for a sun to guide you. I make this promise to you as Ramesses.
[The magic of the circle rises through him, traveling until it connects with a spark between their joined hands.]
[There it was; that peace talk again. It was a lovely notion.]
Might be a while. I can't find peace until someone else does.
[Not until Vanille does. There was no point in her soul being saved for the new world if she wasn't coming along with her. The sensation of the magic was just as strange as last time as it plucked threads from her own soul and reached to entwine them with another's, and with it, bring a new alien awareness on the edges of her own.]
[Her own sense was very much like fire; warm, intense even when relatively mild, and with the potential to be as destructive and capricious as she could be comforting and sheltering. As steady and unflinching as Fang was, there was an immense weariness under it all, like a clinging, choking smoke, adorning her mental sense just as her scars adorned her body.]
[Her eyes close as magic begins to flow between their touch, basking in the refreshment. Chariot's magic has been much better in recent months, but still not entirely what it was prior to January.]
[Fang could feel that wish of his, now. Peace sounded like such a lovely thing, like the first years sleeping in the pillar, before cracks began to form.]
[It's always the draw of mana that he notices first with each Bond. It's difficult to say if that's due to an initial surge until equilibrium is found as the pieces of their souls are entwined with one another or simply because he is more accustomed to being on the other end of this equation as a Servant. Either way, he knows the Bond has succeeded not from the presence of Fang on the edges of his consciousness so much as the steady pull of mana from him to her.]
[And there is plenty of mana that moves through where their hands are connected even with two other Bonds present. This world has changed Ramesses' form, rendering him closer to human than he has been in quite some time, but where he may lack in skill and natural talent as someone who has spent years of their life honing their craft like Chariot might, he makes up for in raw power.]
[Ramesses watches her a moment as awareness of her settles in its place. It is exactly as she warned it would be. He's able to find her within his own conscious awareness with little effort, which is not due solely to proximity. Although both Sheva and Daenerys certainly stand proud and clearly themselves, there is always a distinction between what they wish for him to sense in the Bond and what they would likely disguise if it were in their control. Daenerys masks what she perceives as weaknesses with cool authority and Sheva buries whatever she finds unacceptable with more pleasant distractions. With Fang, he senses no such lines. Even the parts of herself that she takes less pride in are not obfuscated. They are merely less present at this moment.]
[It also contrasts perhaps quite sharply with Ramesses.]
[Fang likely could have predicted it. Much of Ramesses' inner world is neatly ordered and compartmentalized, there is no lack of predictability as he holds steadily forward with warmth and brightness. And yet, he does not reject or excise what he deems unacceptable. He still offers those doubts, insecurities, and regrets acceptance albeit reluctantly, but they remain stifled by the volume of his confidence and conviction, easily missed if one does not know to look for them. Very much like the sun Ramesses claims to be, he allows his own light, his own desire to act as a beacon, to cast such darkness aside.]
You know, with the way you were talking, I was expecting worse.
Just wait until I'm angry. You'll have your regrets then.
[A capacity for wrath deep enough to be prophesized about, to be weaponized. Fit to bring the end of times. Fang opens her eyes with a deep breath, the resulting exhale sounding satisfied.]
You know, much as I love Chariot, it's nice to have something other than crawlin' anxiety crowding my head.
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no subject
I'd sure like to think it does, [Fang admits after a quiet moment.] Scares me sometimes, feelin' exactly how deep it goes. The guilt. It's... choking her. Yeah, she's been gettin' better, but... Chariot just won't let it go, and it keeps pullin' her back down.
[Fang lifts a hand to scratch at the back of her head quickly, more of an agitated tic in the moment than an actual itch.]
I know I don't help. It's frustrating, watchin' her do this to herself. And she feels that—I'm not good enough to not get worked up about it. [There's that "inevitability of disappointment" again.] Then she gets upset all over again. I just—don't know how to get her to see that I believe in her as much as she does me. Even with the Bond. Never really been great with words, and my emotions are always on full blast, the good and the bad.
[Fang shrugs, a little too casually.] Whatever, the whole arrangement's worked out this last year. That doesn't happen often, but... it's rough when it does.
no subject
[In truth, he has no real frame of reference for what Fang is talking about when it comes to a Bond. Setting aside for a moment that there is really no comparable relationship between him and either of his Bonded and what lies between Fang and Chariot, he is still quite guarded with Sheva and Daenerys. Not for any particular reasons, of course. It seems more to him that circumstances have never deemed it to be necessary and it would be ultimately incongruent with the relationships he holds with each. Sheva is only just coming to know him more and place her trust in him, and Daenerys looks to Ozymandias for counsel and the wisdom of his experience.]
[But even with that limitation in place, he can begin to imagine how much more...difficult that dream with Chariot might have been. If he had been able to feel what she felt any deeper than he had, if she had felt any more similarity in his feelings reflected back... There were still things they needed to talk about when it came to that dream. Both Chariot and Ramesses were aware of that. But they had the luxury of allowing for some time to pass. Not to avoid it, but to let it rest and allow themselves the ability to recover before addressing it again when the time was right. That sort of thing didn't really work quite as well if you were Bonded.]
[And so, to whatever limited extent he can see, he can see the way their feelings likely created a vicious feedback loop, one that was probably difficult to put a stop to once it began.]
[He looks to Fang and although he's taken the time to think about it, there's less trepidation for him in speaking a little more plainly than he otherwise might. If he hasn't managed to stir something up by now that would lead to a fight, he'd probably have to try a lot harder.]
Couldn't she probably say the same thing about you?
no subject
What's that supposed to mean?
no subject
[He sighs a little.]
You said your all feelings are always "on full blast." [Is it possible for a person to have a tone in which the quotation marks around a phrase are almost tangible? Ramesses finds a way when it comes to more casual forms of speech!] You know Chariot reacts to all of it. But the two of you likely wouldn't be as volatile if Chariot didn't think the same thing of whatever you carry against yourself.
[Fang said that the promises she let slip wouldn't be held against her. But just as it was important for her to prove to herself that she was capable of keeping them, Ramesses doesn't doubt that there's an edge of her own guilt about those failings that she continues to carry around with her. It seems a stretch in his mind that those things don't come up in those more difficult moments between the two of them.]
[He takes another drink from his cup and looks down at some of the newcomers beginning to filter into the lower floor of the bar.]
If I had to guess, you both end up fighting the other for the sake of the other. [Even if it doesn't exactly seem like it on the surface and not with any particular success from the sounds of it by her own admission.] Chariot is the exact sort of person who would want to protect someone else from themselves. Just as you are when it comes to the people you care about.
Your methods are different, of course. [Chariot, he doesn't think could ever take it to the extent or extremes that Fang possibly could. That gentleness in her would prevent her from making choices like that.] But the intentions remain the same.
no subject
I guess she could.
[It's a casual gesture and a casual answer, born more of how Fang coped and her reluctance to admit even to herself that she's wounded than being guarded. "Don't do this to yourself." She knew Ramesses was right. She just didn't want him to be. Her own demons were usually so much easier to tackle when Fang acted like they had no power over her.]
[Usually.]
[Fang blows out a deep breath, studying the darkly glimmering harbor again.] I'm gettin' better. The process is a right ugly mess, but I am. Chariot's done more than her fair share in helpin' that along.
[Chariot made a home for her. A place to recover that Fang so desperately needed, and a place that Fang hadn't had for so very long. The respite helped, even Fang didn't think she'd be free of those violent flashbacks anytime soon.]
Just wish I could do more of the same. [Fang's frown turns a little more severe.] 'Cause you can't save a person from themselves. They've got to do that. All you can do is help 'em along.
[It's a revelation that Fang hated and made her heart twist. It felt like an acknowledgement of her own powerlessness. That's why Chariot's guilt had scared her so thoroughly—even if not as deep, it was a shadow of what she'd seen in Vanille, a throwback to the most terrifying moment of Fang's life.]
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You're right. There are things that people must struggle with and overcome through their own power. No one can do it for them. There is perhaps no better example for something like that than what Chariot must contend with.
But Fang? [He tips his head to catch her gaze, waiting until he has it before he continues.] The very fact you wish there was more you could do means that you do just as much for her as she does for you.
You do enough.
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[The Turnskin looks away, eyes closed and head hung slightly and making a sound like a nervous laugh reduced to one breath.]
[Several people in this world had more or less compared her to a den mother, if in different words. Fang paid little attention to her own well-being, her world narrowed down solely to selfishly protecting what she regarded as hers, if in a selfless manner. Nothing short of total happiness for her loved ones would feel like enough.]
[It didn't feel like enough. Maybe it never would.]
[Fang eventually reclines back on on her forearm, looking to Ramesses with a crooked smile.]
You know your little silver-tongued routine doesn't work on me, mm?
[She isn't dismissing his words, nor shying away from the gravity of their conversation, but certainly wasn't going to pass up ribbing him completely for it.]
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I approach every conversation with you with the understanding that you willfully do the opposite of what I say each and every time. [Ramesses huffs and looks back out at the city.] But I will make an exception over just this because whether you choose to believe me or not, it doesn't make me any less correct.
So, if I have to treat you like Chariot and remind you every time until you can start to believe it at least a little for yourself, I will.
[Which is to say, Fang might as well consider this a formal declaration of war against her terrible self-worth and habit of selling herself short. He views it as important enough for him to put that kind of effort and patience into it. ]
[She is important enough.]
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Oh, like hell you will. I'm not signin' up for lifetime coachin'.
[She sets her cup down to reach for her belt. It takes a moment, and Fang had to crane her head to find what she's looking for. Funny thing about coordination being a little impaired a few glasses in.]
[Fang waggles the resulting little tin vial at Ramesses, holding it out like a mock threat.]
I'm expediting this. Just get it right up and over with and make me believe it now. Worked with Kaede.
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[Ramesses turns to set his cup down before shifting the way he's seated to face her a little better. Reaching out for the vial, he doesn't take it, but instead pushes it back to her with a shake of his head.]
A temporary bond is hardly anything. [It's a stopgap measure for those threatening to lose control, nothing more. It has no lasting impact at the end of the day, only prolongs the inevitable one way or another. It's not something he's willing to accept when it directly undermines his intent.] I'll Bond with you, but I'll only do it permanently. Until you believe it, or until you decide you truly do not wish to be Bonded any longer.
[Because even if the magic itself didn't wane on its own over time when Bondmates drifted apart from one another, he wouldn't care to hold her to something like that against her wishes.]
Whichever comes first.
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[Not to mention how invasive they could be. The air's been open between them tonight, but for two proud and guarded people, there would still be something of an adjustment period.]
[But he had Bonded. He knew that already. And it couldn't simply be an offer—the one simple rule of the ritual was that both parties had to want to be there for any reason, no matter what it was. To make an offer like that, Ramesses wanted to.]
Really, now? You'd invite an irreverent alligator brains inside your head?
[Just a simple confirmation. They've both been drinking, even if they're both far from gone, but the drinks served during Aefenglom's festivals tended to be... special in some way or another. Fang wanted to be sure this was a thought-out suggestion.]
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No. [Because she really isn't the sort of person he would ever truly consider if one were taking a superficial look at it. When looking at it that way, there's far too many points where they should clash. Perhaps even violently so. But there is something more. Even if it is sometimes a challenge, it still exists.] But I would invite an irreverent alligator brains that I trust.
That's a bit different.
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[It's the simplicity that allows Fang to consider it quickly. A Bond was ultimately communication; where as Fang was simply Fang, Ramesses, with his multiple personas that he insisted were all wholly part of him (something still strange to her), increasingly decided to strip down the pretenses around her. She probably couldn't have accepted the offer from the Pharaoh. From Ramesses, the person that existed before and underneath all the other layers of titles and roles, she could.]
Alright, fine. A real one. [Her smile crooks up.] Just remember, you brought this on yourself.
[She sets the vial down to exchange it with her nearly empty cup.]
Cheers, then.
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Shall I get us another round?
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Get one if you want. I'm done for the night.
[Fang's already had more that she usually does, during these festivals; "more than usual" being "more than one."]
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[And so, he opts for the extra round or two before they both decide to call it a night and head their respective ways home. As he continues to drink, his talking increases, but he somehow manages not to end up bragging endlessly about himself and his accomplishments. He's simply talkative. When he accidentally creates an opening for Fang, he never approves of her taking advantage of it, but he also doesn't seem particularly put out by it either.]
[Before they part ways though, the conversation does turn back to the matter of Bonding with one another. Just as easily as it had ultimately been to agree to the arrangement itself, they both agree when to have the ritual. Both agree that allowing some time to pass would be beneficial for any necessary conversations with each other (when sober) or Chariot.]
[As it turns out, neither appears to get cold feet or second guess the decision in the end. Which really just solidifies it as the correct choice for Ramesses because he does give it thought in the following days of the potential consequences of this decision. Bonding with Fang wasn't without its risks. Just as they might occasionally find common ground with one another, there was also the capacity for something more volatile and neither of them could particularly ignore that. But ultimately, he trusts Fang just as he says he does and he believes that before the worst of the possible outcomes could come to pass, they would do what was necessary to avert any potential crisis. They would owe that much to each other.]
[And so, the day eventually comes.]
[It is his fourth time doing this, but the amount of magical energy summoned into the circle never fails to catch his notice and fascination. There's something equal parts thrilling and dangerous about this much magic being present in such a small space and with such little effort on the part of the Coven Witches.]
[He looks back at Fang as he steps into the circle, offering his hand to her.]
Last chance to change your mind.
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[Even if that understanding might never set their goals and personalities in alignment, it was still something worth seeking.]
[Even after all their time to reflect on their choice, Fang was still mildly entertained with it all. She'd never imagined reaching this point, never imagined Bonding with this particular man. Her suggestion to use the potion had simply been a tool for brief insight on the depth to which he'd believed what he was talking about; after nearly a year Bonded to Chariot, Fang was well adept at lending and borrowing each other's emotions when their own weren't suitable for the situation. A true Bond... Ramesses didn't strike her as the sort of person that wanted to be attached to someone that moved through life like a wrecking ball with places to be yesterday.]
[Fang only quirks her usual smirk back.]
Was gonna say the same thing. I can get pretty loud in the Bond, you know. [Or "full blast," as Fang had put it on the roof. She didn't always wear her heart on her sleeve, but she certainly had no filter. What she did feel was always felt wholly, with everything she was.]
[She accepts his hand nonetheless; the magic pooling under their feet makes her skin prickle.]
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[Although it's true that Fang differs from his other Bonded in that there was a little more care and patience put into the ways in which they presented themselves, neither Sheva no Daenerys could ever be described as docile or passive. Under the right circumstances, their presence in their Bond with him is just as intense as what he imagines Fang to likely be.]
So long as the three of you do not conspire to turn it into a competition, I shall persevere.
[Although gods help him if they should ever be in direct opposition to one another. There may be no surviving something like that with as hot as tempers could run.]
[The Coven Witch leading the ceremony directs them to their places albeit unnecessarily. It may have been some time for Fang since last she did this, but for Ramesses, it has only been a handful of months. With Fang's hand in his, he is already beginning to lead them further into the circle to those spots. The look he gives Fang isn't overly scrutinizing, but he does give her a moment of consideration. The magic of this circle always seems to sit differently for Monsters, he's noticed, and Ramesses can't help but think it is probably especially unnerving after her experiences. He certainly observed it in Daenerys, who had to take a moment to steel herself before stepping into the circle, and so it doesn't seem completely out of the realm of possibility that walking into space with this much magic, allowing the ritual itself, might prove a little more challenging than it otherwise might normally be. While Ramesses doesn't seek to treat her delicately -- assuming that such treatment would likely irritate her -- he'd rather her be as confident as possible during this.]
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[Fang show no hesitation entering the circle; despite her numerous and varied traumatic experience, there were only three things that gave her pause. Even then, two of those, while extremely unpleasant, she could cope with. So long as she approached the circle of her own volition and unbound, it held no nightmares for her.]
[No, the circle felt like solid static given form, a silent sound in the air brushing against her nerves. Fang found it hard to explain to Witches; it was something they created and controlled to them. She perceived it like some kind of energy, like sunlight or static, but filtered incorrectly through senses not originally designed to detect it. Clean magic she was almost drawn to, like cool fresh water; too long in ambient or lingering magic clogged her mind like silt until there was only room enough left for the Monster.]
[Fang takes her place, glancing as the officiating Witch does the same. Her gaze sweeps back to Ramesses.]
So, you gonna start, or am I?
[She offers her other hand, like a circuit waiting to be complete.]
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Go on.
[In the intervening days, he's put plenty of thought into what he will say. One might think he would choose not to given that he's completed this ritual on three separate occasions and the broad strokes of his intentions behind those Bonds reflect similarly to one another. He never intends to be an obstruction to his Bonded, only a support that allows them to reach their full potential. And so, it would be simple to reuse and speak again of those same intentions each time. But the Bonds themselves are as different as the individuals he's chosen to Bond with, and Ramesses could never allow himself to create such a thoughtless, weak foundation. His vows to each remain just that. Not through pretty preambles or lengthy promises, but clear, specific intentions of how his loyalty shall be reflected, how they shall walk alongside one another, and to what lengths he is willing to go on their behalf.]
[But he is immensely curious about Fang's vow. He knows she takes her promises seriously, but Ramesses knows he's not the sort of person she would likely prefer to make her promises to. She's made it clear that he can often reflect and represent a more dangerous element, something that could twist and contort such things. So, he cannot imagine she's going to be as off the cuff as she usually is with this. Still, he's curious.]
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[But Fang doesn't dwell on it. The teasing drops from her smile.]
Look, you know I'm not great with words, and I'm not the sort to go off on some fancy pledge.
[The standard Bonding vow still feels easy to mindlessly make, but after... everything, Fang hesitates to offer to protect him, considering that vow lays in shambles both around her family and Chariot.]
There's probably not much I can promise you that you can't already provide for yourself. So, as your Bonded, Oerba Yun Fang vows to yank you back from that precipice of yours, if you find your way back to it—as someone who does a lot of lookin' over the edge of "Same Mistake City" myself.
[She tilts her head slightly, and something about her expression softens subtly.]
And I know you love your hundred identities and roles and they're always part of you or whatever, but if you ever just wanna be that human guy under all that for a bit and nothin' else, you can do that around me. Promise I won't tell.
[When she finishes, the magic of the circle responds to her intent, flowing up through her body and pooling in her hands, waiting for the other half to snap into place.]
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[And he believes her words. All of them. Even without the magic of the circle confirming them to be genuine.]
I find myself in a similar position as you. You are more than capable and have no need for my protection or support with most matters. So, my promise to you as your Bonded is this: I will not idly stand by any time you feel the need to inflict punishment on yourself for your past decisions. Until you are able to find peace, I shall remain by your side whether it is to be as comfort or a thorn.
[When they first met, it had been a stray thought, a sincere but small hope. Something that Fang had dismissed and he allowed to be set aside. Here and now, however, it was something far more than that. Something he refused to let her reject as a possibility for herself because even if she's not able to believe it now, he intends to carry that belief until she can for herself. It as almost as though he can already see that future with his own eyes, as though it is within his power to manipulate the very magic of this room to make it so.]
This is a promise I make to you not as Pharaoh, as you have no need for a sun to guide you. I make this promise to you as Ramesses.
[The magic of the circle rises through him, traveling until it connects with a spark between their joined hands.]
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Might be a while. I can't find peace until someone else does.
[Not until Vanille does. There was no point in her soul being saved for the new world if she wasn't coming along with her. The sensation of the magic was just as strange as last time as it plucked threads from her own soul and reached to entwine them with another's, and with it, bring a new alien awareness on the edges of her own.]
[Her own sense was very much like fire; warm, intense even when relatively mild, and with the potential to be as destructive and capricious as she could be comforting and sheltering. As steady and unflinching as Fang was, there was an immense weariness under it all, like a clinging, choking smoke, adorning her mental sense just as her scars adorned her body.]
[Her eyes close as magic begins to flow between their touch, basking in the refreshment. Chariot's magic has been much better in recent months, but still not entirely what it was prior to January.]
[Fang could feel that wish of his, now. Peace sounded like such a lovely thing, like the first years sleeping in the pillar, before cracks began to form.]
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[And there is plenty of mana that moves through where their hands are connected even with two other Bonds present. This world has changed Ramesses' form, rendering him closer to human than he has been in quite some time, but where he may lack in skill and natural talent as someone who has spent years of their life honing their craft like Chariot might, he makes up for in raw power.]
[Ramesses watches her a moment as awareness of her settles in its place. It is exactly as she warned it would be. He's able to find her within his own conscious awareness with little effort, which is not due solely to proximity. Although both Sheva and Daenerys certainly stand proud and clearly themselves, there is always a distinction between what they wish for him to sense in the Bond and what they would likely disguise if it were in their control. Daenerys masks what she perceives as weaknesses with cool authority and Sheva buries whatever she finds unacceptable with more pleasant distractions. With Fang, he senses no such lines. Even the parts of herself that she takes less pride in are not obfuscated. They are merely less present at this moment.]
[It also contrasts perhaps quite sharply with Ramesses.]
[Fang likely could have predicted it. Much of Ramesses' inner world is neatly ordered and compartmentalized, there is no lack of predictability as he holds steadily forward with warmth and brightness. And yet, he does not reject or excise what he deems unacceptable. He still offers those doubts, insecurities, and regrets acceptance albeit reluctantly, but they remain stifled by the volume of his confidence and conviction, easily missed if one does not know to look for them. Very much like the sun Ramesses claims to be, he allows his own light, his own desire to act as a beacon, to cast such darkness aside.]
You know, with the way you were talking, I was expecting worse.
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Just wait until I'm angry. You'll have your regrets then.
[A capacity for wrath deep enough to be prophesized about, to be weaponized. Fit to bring the end of times. Fang opens her eyes with a deep breath, the resulting exhale sounding satisfied.]
You know, much as I love Chariot, it's nice to have something other than crawlin' anxiety crowding my head.
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